Weekly Reflections III

 

My Personal Growth Progress:

• Isolation has gotten easier...
• I've gotten very comfortable with saying NO without explanation
• I've been really in tune with intentionally giving love to all
• I received extremely good news for work today! 
• I've accepted that I have an adult child now 
• I've been awakened about the public school system and how it's failing our children (even in the burbs)
• I'm learning what it means to be a good friend (I thought I knew already but I've been schooled...)
• I went to church and enjoyed it 😎 (for the most part)

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Isolation has gotten a lot easier because I've had serious time to be with myself and FEEL my peace. 

I've gotten extremely familiar with what my inner peace feels like and now I know IMMEDIATELY when I feel something other than that feeling. So now, instead of being completely isolated, I've graduated myself to being selectively isolated. I isolate myself from anything that causes the feeling of anything less than inner peace. I'm saying no without an explanation. Validation is not needed.

I'm in a place where I can literally feel my peace right in between my throat and chest area. That area of me feels like a gently flowing stream when I'm genuinely at peace. It's lite and shallow. 

This space feels tight and closed whenever I'm anything other than peaceful and beyond. I mean I can actually feel it getting tight when I'm outside of inner peace. I'm always paying attention to how I feel now. ALWAYS. 

I'm not searching for an opportunity to feel the tightness, I'm simply hyper aware of that flow feeling now. I'm always checking in on myself now...before I do anything. Before I act, interact, react, I'm checking in. 

For example, a few days ago I had to interact with someone that wasn't feeling me because I challenged their "system" (all out of love of course) in front of others who also didn't agree with the system but didn't speak up about it. 

When it was time for the one on one conversation, I could sense the friction. I felt the tightness in my peace flow area starting to come. So I closed my eyes right where I was (I didn't care who could see me), took in two intense deep breaths to physically release that tightness and said this prayer in my mind:

"God may I ooze love. May I give off only love and receive only love. May I be love and they feel my love and they respond with love. Amen." 

When it was our time to finally chat in private, I was honestly amazed (Idk why because God literally ALWAYS answer our prayers when they come from a genuine place) at how much love this conversation had. We came to a win-win conclusion and even swapped compliments to one another. It was such a refreshing feeling to utilize the personal power of love. 🥰

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As for work... 

I’ve learned from my past and from observing others, that one should keep the good news quiet until everything has already happened. So for now, just know God is truly answering prayers. This is my season and I deserve it. I’m humbled and prepared for the elevation.

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In mommin' news…

I have an adult child. One that has successfully moved out on his own, taking care of himself, pursuing his career, and no longer needs mama like he once did. It’s such a bittersweet part of life but I’m getting use to the idea of it all. 

He’s still around and is an amazing big bro to his little brother. It’s such a strange place to be in life because most people my age (30s) are just getting started with children so it’s extremely difficult for them to understand from my perspective. 

I'm going to give him his space and allow him to develop into an adult because I remember being that age and having my parent NOT do the same for me. It caused extreme chaos and what seemed like unnecessary issues. This severely damaged our relationship because I wasn't given room to grow and make my own mistakes. I wasn't given the space to find my own way. 

We are a much better now. However, those painful memories are burned into my brain and sometimes certain things still trigger me. I want better for the next generation. 

It's all love though and I'll slap anyone who comes for my parent. We're all at different stages of evolution and I truly honor and understand that. I just really want better for the next generation. 

My oldest and I have had our moments, I just want there to be way more good memories than painful ones. I want there to be so many good memories they outweigh any painful ones. So I'll stay out of the way yet be there when I'm needed and keep saying a prayer for my son twice a day.

I know he was raised with God and trained well for life so all is good…even during times when it may feel like it isn’t. 

As for my youngest. Parents, make sure you are attending curriculum night at your child’s school to see what seeds are being planted in their young impressionable minds. 

And always remember, we have a right as parents to refuse our children anything we are not comfortable with, no matter what is being pushed as “mandatory” or “required”. 

Stay up to date with your children’s school and county handbooks because EVERYTHING is written there for us but is not advertised. Do your research, READ, be active, and protect your child’s development. And if you can, homeschool them. I’ll leave that there.

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Moving right along into friendship... 

The more time I spend on earth, I understand and deeply value what it means to be a true friend. My best friend (or sister at this point) is a few years younger than me and has recently schooled me on what a real friend is without even knowing. 

A few weeks ago, I took something she said to me out of context and was silently angry. Instead of letting her know, I just stopped talking to her for a while in an attempt to “protect my peace.” 

However, I was the creator of my mental chaos all on my own lol.🫣 Instead of clarifying with my sis, I took it upon myself to create my own version of the situation in my head and run with that. Now I’m supposed to be a mature adult with a whole adult child and here I am acting like a complete child by expecting someone to read my mind. Smh shame🤦🏾‍♀️ 

So I finally reached out and told her why I went AWOL and she just laughed at me, clarified what she meant, and we went right back to being besties. No long drawn out conversation, no animosity, no attitude, no slick shade, no nothing. Just love and laughter.🥰

She could have handled it so differently and I’m sincerely grateful she didn’t. She showed me how to be a good friend. My sister handled me with such love when at that time I don't think I deserved it. 

I learned a lot from that. 

I won't do that again. 

Be a good friend to your good friends... 

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And finally... 

I went to church this past Sunday. 🤗 👏

Sadly it's been years since I've been and I was hesitant the entire week leading up to it. I drive by this church regularly so I did my research and watched a streamed sermon before making my final decision to visit. I even sat in the car for 10 minutes before actually going inside on the day of. 🥴

Church is so different than when I grew up and I needed to open my mind to new ideas of what Church really means. It is about community. That's it. Just being with your people. 

People who believe in God; 

People who are flawed but trying; 

People who are supportive in growing in Christ; 

People who see the God in one another versus judging one another; 

People who are purely love and only see the soul versus a skin color or class level; 

People who get excited when you share your good news; 

People who want to help when you are in need without expecting anything in return; 

People who live life trying their best to emulate the character of Jesus Christ with grace and humbleness. 

Those are my kind of people...and I think I've finally found them. :)

There was one MAJOR church red flag 🚩 for me though...

The guest speaker felt the need to mention in front of the entire congregation how provocative Taylor Swift dresses. It was random and brief but a huge turnoff for me! In my mind I was like first of all- I thought we don't judge people here. Second of all- I like Taylor Swift... Third of all- if you think Taylor dress wild then you'd probably condemn me to hell on a hot night out with my girlies. CHILL frfr God loves us all. This is the main reason why people opt out of going to church. So I don't know. We'll see how this goes. I liked everything else but that one threw me off. And I've learned to run on the first red flag of anything, but I've also learned to give grace and that nothing or no one is perfect. So we'll see...I just thought we didn't judge. I'll shake it off for now. You see what I did there 😏...lol.

Over and out. 🥰

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PS the plants are being repotted! I'll share pics next week.

PPS stay tuned for Part 4 of How To Be A Grown Up Article and Podcast next week!

Cheers good people!