Weekly Reflections I

Table of Contents

My Deep Thoughts

Mom Life

Garden Life

What's The Point?

Isolation is important to self growth. Isolation is important to self growth. Isolation is important to self growth. I have to keep telling myself this because it gets lonely. And every time I come out of isolation because I'm lonely, I find myself doing the exact things I've been working so hard to change. 

For instance, part of my personal growth plan is:

• Be kind to others; control my tongue; if I have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Send mental love to anyone I engage with. 
• Replace raising my voice to speaking with love. Participate in only good vibes conversations / interactions.
• Workout any anger or frustrations. Don't discuss or give any energy to negative emotions, just journal and workout HARD.

Yet every single time I decide to come out of hiding and have a chat, it becomes negative. EVERY TIME. It's gossip, drama, all men this, or all women that, complaining about what he said or she did. It's as if I can't have conversations with just good vibes; like I'm addicted to this form of low vibration communication. But when I'm all alone, it's so easy stay positive.

Why is it so easy to get sucked into negativity? Why is it so hard to just speak up and say, "I don't want to talk about this, it's not the vibes I want to create." 

Why do I engage and sometimes even initiate these conversations when I KNOW deep down I don't want to? Why do I allow my surroundings to dictate the way I behave?

I'm tired of not speaking up and saying, "Let's talk about something good vibes." or "Let's turn this into something positive."

I'm tired of the fear on the inside that says if I speak up, "I'm fake" or "I think I'm better" or whatever other ridiculous thought I've made up in mind.

I'm tired of my own sh*t.

I even tried to spin the block and damn near crashed. 😐😕😓😒😟

Sometimes I just want to pack up and move far far away where no one knows me and just start over fresh. It's very challenging to change in the same environment. It's almost like expecting a plant to grow in a pot that's too small for it. 

I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of feeling bad for trying to be a better person. 

I wouldn't mind living off-grid for a while. (Something like this) 

It's exhausting trying to grow around others who are not interested in growing. 

Then I remember a wise person once said: Just because you decide to grow does not mean everyone around you has to make that same decision at the time you want them too. Everyone is on their own timing. Stop trying to control the lives of others; there is no need to worry about anyone other than self. Until you have overflow, worry about yourself. You can not help others if your cup is half full. You can not help others if your cup is filled to the top. You can only truly help others WHO WANT TO BE HELPED when your cup is overflowing. The overflow is for others. Focus on growing yourself, and you will unconsciously help others grow as well. 

It's just so tough because I genuinely love to help and see people grow. I still have growing to do myself though.

And how do I fill my cup up? ISOLATION. Alone time with God. Lots and lots of alone time with God. Filling my mind with positivity. Surrounding myself with like-minded individuals when the time comes. Practicing gratitude. Focusing on all things good instead of searching for flaws. Always finding a reason to say Thank You to God. That makes me think of one of my favorite songs by Jill Scott: Say Thank You.

I really do want to be like Jesus sometimes and vanish, then return a fully developed Child of God. However, in today's world, allowing others to see the growth process (the good, bad, and ugly parts) is what actually inspires. So I guess I have to just push through this mushy phase. 😩 

 And besides...ATLANTA IS WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE! 😎😊😇

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In other news... Mom Life

My oldest son is moving out. He's 18. I'm so proud and happy for my young man! A part of me also feels extreme anxiety. I pray he's protected. I pray God protects and guides his developing mind, body, and spirit. I pray a shield around him, his friends, and his home at all times. I pray that he's wise enough to formulate his own thoughts and emotions versus allowing outside forces to dictate how he should think and feel. I pray that he exercises discipline. I pray that he treat others right. I pray that his soul stays in alignment with God. I pray that he prospers and his very presence inspires those around him for the greater good. I pray that he is better than me and his journey molds him to be a True Man of God. Amen.

Also, it's true what they say about going soft with the last child. I've been made aware (by my oldest lol) that I let a lot of things slide with my youngest (age10) that I WOULD NEVER with him. So I'm working on that... 😬

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And In Garden Life...

The plants are growing!!! My youngest and I planted bell peppers about a week ago in a lego top lol. We are complete newbies so this is soooo exciting! 😆

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What's the point?

To sum up this post. What is the point of writing my reflections? Writing things out helps me solve my own problems. 

For example, I need to stop complaining about being tired and being a little p*ssy about my growth journey. Either do something about it or shut up.  

Another example, if you have faith then don't worry. And if you worry then you don't have faith. And I have faith that God got my son and he is going to be just fine out in this world, so there is no need to worry. 

Last one. God is so beautiful. This earth is a magical and glorious gift to us. With just a seed, dirt, water, and sunlight, life is formed. There's always something to be thankful for. Thank God for the gift of life. 💖

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P.S. My goal this month is to finish my professional certification by August 31, 2025. Just putting that out there to hold myself accountable.

Article and Podcast 3 coming later this week. Thanks for reading!

Over and out.