How To Be A Grown Up Part 3: The Law of The Mirror (Article)

 

The Law of The Mirror 

You Must See Value In Yourself to Add Value to Yourself 

-The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth

Peace and love beautiful people. This week's chapter is all about SELF-ESTEEM. Most of us has dealt with or are still dealing with self-esteem issues in some way. Today we will discuss the importance of self-esteem and how to build a healthy self image, based on the book: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell. 

Let's start with an excerpt from the book:

"Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time, and energy needed to develop yourself." -The 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth

Here's an overview of Chapter 3:

Self-Esteem Is The Single Most Significant Key to a Person's Behavior 

• It is impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves. We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves.
• Every aspect of our lives is impacted by the way we see ourselves.

Low Self-Esteem Puts a Ceiling on Our Potential

• If the desire is a 10 but the self-esteem is a 5, one will never perform at a level of 10. One will perform at a 5 or below because people are not able to outperform their self image.
• No matter what other assets one has, if there is a lack in self-trust, self-respect, and self-confidence, then one's potential is limited.

The Value We Place on Ourselves is Usually The Value Others Place on Us

• If the important people in your life expect you to go nowhere, then more than likely, that's what you will expect for yourself as well. So surround yourself with good people or isolate until the good people find you. 
• You shouldn't become too concerned about what others might think of you. You should be more concerned with what you think of yourself.
• You don't have to accept what people say you have to be!!!

______

Based on The 15 Laws of Invaluable of Growth, there are 10 steps we can take to building our self image:

1. Guard Your Self-Talk
2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
3. Move Beyond Your Limiting Beliefs
4. Add Value To Others
5. Do The Right Thing, Even If It's The Hard Thing
6. Practice A Small Discipline Daily in a Specific Area of Your Life
7. Celebrate Small Victories
8. Embrace A Positive Vision For Your Life Based on What You Value 
9. Practice The One Word Strategy
10. Take Responsibility For Your Life

Let's briefly explore each step with a bit of commentary...

1. Guard Your Self-Talk (THE MOST IMPORTANT IN MY OPINION)

• Whether you know it or not, you have running conversation with yourself all the time. What is the nature of yours? Do you encourage yourself or criticize yourself?
• If we want to change our lives, we have to change the way we think of ourselves. If we want to change the way we think, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves.
• How do we guard our self-talk?
• Learn to become your own encourager and cheerleader.
• Every time you do a good job, don't just let it pass; give yourself a compliment.
• Every time you choose discipline over indulgence, don't tell yourself that you should have anyway; recognize how much you are helping yourself. 
• (I always imagine the person I want to be and congratulate myself for making another choice that is leading me closer to woman in my imagination.)
• Every time you make a mistake, don't bring up everything that's wrong with yourself; tell yourself that you're paying the price for growth and that you will learn to do better next time.
• Every positive thing you can say to yourself will help!

2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

• What happens when you compare yourself to others? Usually one of two things: 
• Either you perceive the other person to be far ahead of you and you feel discouraged. OR 
• You perceive yourself to be better than the other person and you become proud. 
• Neither is good for you and none will help you grow! Comparing yourself to others is just a needless distraction.
•  How do we stop comparing ourselves to others?
• The only one you should compare yourself to is you.
• Focus on what you can do today to improve and grow.
• Reflect each day on how you did one thing better today than you did yesterday. 
• (I always reflect on my reactions/responses to others)

3. Move Beyond Your Limiting Beliefs

• The greatest limitations people experience on their lives are usually the ones they impose upon themselves.
• It isn't what you are that holds you back; it's what you think you are not.
• How do we move beyond our limiting beliefs?
• Identify a limiting belief that you want to change 
• (for me, it is learning to speak the Spanish)
• Determine how the belief limits you. 
• (I'm missing so many opportunities by not knowing to speak Spanish.)
• Decide how you want to be, act, or feel. 
• (I'll feel so dope and more intelligent when I know how to speak Spanish and more opportunities will definitely come my way.)
• Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be act, or feel this way. 
• (I'll know how to speak Spanish fluently in the next five years and my life will be expanded in so many ways. I'll take in person classes, listen to audio courses, and travel to Spanish speaking countries in order to perfect the language. Life will be even more beautiful being bilingual! 😎)

4. Add Value to Others

• Because most people with low self-esteem often see themselves as inadequate or feel like victims (which often starts because they were victimized in their past), they focus inordinately on themselves.
• They become self-protective and selfish because they feel that they need to survive.
• If the above is true for you, then you can combat those feelings by serving others and working to add value to them.
• Making a difference (even a small one) in the lives of other people lifts one's self esteem. 
• (that's what doing this blog and podcast is for me)
• It's hard to feel bad about yourself when you're something good for someone else. 
• A word of caution: Be careful not to overextend yourself to others in an effort to feel good. This can lead to being used.
• Adding value to others make them value you more. It creates a cycle of positive feeling from one person to another.

5. Do The Right Thing, Even If It's The Hard Thing

• What happens whenever you don't do the right thing? Either you feel guilt, which makes you feel bad about yourself, or you lie to yourself to try to convince yourself that your actions weren't wrong or weren't that important. That does harm to you as a person and to your self-esteem.
• We all know HOW to do the right thing, so here's some added bonuses:
• Being true to yourself and your values is a tremendous self-esteem builder. (so establish some personal values if you don't have any)
• Every time you take action that builds character, you become stronger as a person; the harder the task, the greater the character builder.
• (or "challenging" as my mom would say-We weren't allowed to say hard as children because nothing is too hard for God.) 

6. Practice a Small Discipline Daily in a Specific Area of Your Life

• Discipline is a morale builder. Boost yours by taking small steps that will take you in a positive direction.
• If there is an area in your life that seems overwhelming to you (health, work, family, or something else) try chipping away at it a little bit everyday instead of trying to tackle it all at once.
• Don't worry about it or fret about it; do something specific about it.
• Sidebar: I didn't chip away at the blog and podcast this week, so now I'm late posting and a bit overwhelmed because my goal is to have it done by Monday😓. So I'm utilizing step 1 and telling myself I'm paying the price for growth and I will learn to do better next time.

7. Celebrate Small Victories 

• When you do the right thing or you take a small step in the right direction, what is your emotional response? What kind of things do you tell yourself? Are your thoughts like these?

• Taking a break to celebrate is good for you. 
• Celebrating encourages you and inspires you to keep going. Don't underestimate its power. 
• A word of caution: Be careful HOW you celebrate. If you know, you know. 👀  Most times a mental celebration is just as good or even better!

8. Embrace A Positive Vision For Your Life Based On What YOU Value   

• Create a positive vision of yourself in your mind. Visit that vision as often as possible.
• What do you value in life? Include your values in your vision. It is your vision so no one can tell you how it should be. Imagine your deepest desires.
• Take action towards that vision...no matter how small. 
• Every positive action you take helps you believe in yourself, which in turn helps you take more positive action   

9. Practice the One-Word Strategy

• My word is: GROWING. What's yours?

10. Take Responsibility For Your Life

• This section was also too good to summarize, so I'll share it now:

The Wrap Up

We're at the finish line for part 3 of the 15 part series: How To Be A Grown Up. Today we learned the Law of the Mirror: How to build your self image / self-esteem. According to The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, there are 10 steps to building a healthy self image. We reviewed all 10 today, which leaves us with a special BONUS for episode 3 on the podcast.

Lock in and love yourself my friends. 

Once again, I'm so grateful for YOU reading until the very end and for myself for being consistent and doing this article! Taking a moment to virtually clap for both of us! 👏👏  I hope this inspires you to grow!

Listen and Subscribe to the podcast this week (posting Aug 14) for a special bonus PLUS stay tuned for next week's topic: The Law of Reflection on How To Be A Grown Up Part 4.

Share your thoughts or ideas at tryingthisgrowththing@gmail.com