How To Be A Grown Up Part 1: The Law of Intentionality (Article)
Growth Doesn't Just Happen
Have you ever experienced an adult behaving in a "not so adult like" manner? Have you ever been that adult? It's a yes for me...regrettably for both.
Do we know the difference between being an adult and behaving like an adult?
Being an adult requires living for a minimum of 18 years on planet earth. Nothing else is required. Just make it to 18 years. 21 to drink. (according to society)
Although...some pretty solid sources at Saint James School of Medicine argues that our brains are not fully developed until age 25. I'm no scientist; however, a fully developed brain should be a requirement as an adult. But hey, I just live here. Let's see what the actual scientists have to say:
Saint James School of Medicine, The Netherlands, Published 2013: (source)
It is well established that the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age. This discovery has enhanced our basic understanding regarding adolescent brain maturation and it has provided support for behaviors experienced in late adolescence and early adulthood. Several investigators consider the age span 10–24 years as adolescence, which can be further divided into substages specific to physical, cognitive, and social–emotional development.
Let's not forget, in regards to the scientific literature provided above, there's this disclaimer from the National Library of Medicine aka the government:
Moving right along...
So according to society, it is the responsibility of self to complete the guidance of our brain development...on our own, at ages 18-24. I'd imagine this period is considered the final stages of brain development, and according to Saint James School of Medicine, the final stages of the brain development are cognitive and social-emotional.
In simple terms,
- Cognitive means relating to the mental process involved in knowing, learning, and understanding things. (source)
- Social-emotional refers to the connection between our social interactions and our emotional experiences. It encompasses the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, build relationships, and make responsible decisions. Social-emotional development is crucial for overall well-being and success in various aspects of life. (source)
We are responsible to guide THESE two stages of development all on our own at ages 18-24 or our overall well-being and success is at risk?
Interesting...
What were you doing between the ages of 18 and 24? Did you feed your brain with the proper knowledge it needed to develop fully? Did you know what the proper knowledge was or how to find it? Do you know now?
What is your age now? How is your current overall well-being?
At the time, did you know your brain was still developing when you were 18-24 or were you "living your best life" like myself and the majority of the population?
I guess this is what it means when they say, "get em' while they're young."
Basically, most of us have been scammed out of the final stages of brain development.
But there's hope!
Luckily, our brain love us so much that it allows us to rewire it ourselves. It's not an easy process, but it's also not as hard as it sounds either. (I've been working on my own personal development since 2016...it's an ongoing process.)
PLUS...
We are blessed with credible people all over the world who's written amazing books about this "self rewiring process" known as personal development. I'm currently reading one so insightful that I had to share: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell.
Before we continue, thank you for sticking around. I hope this content elevates you or at least ignite some deep thinking. My name is Chantrelle (Chan in the real estate world) and I'm documenting my personal development journey.
I began to be very intentional about my personal growth in 2016 and my life elevated in such a bizarre way. Then, around 2022 I became so wrapped up in my new life that I assumed I didn't need to focus on my personal growth as much. Here I am now, humbled, after realizing personal development is not something to pick up and put down when it's convenient, it's a life long journey. So I'm being intentional again...after living life on the wild side for a few years.
How To Be A Grown Up is a 15 part series based on the current book I'm reading to get myself back on track: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. The recommendation was to read one chapter per week, discuss it with friends, and keep a growth journal. Trying This Growth Thing is my idea of synthesizing using articles/blog and the podcast. I'll be sharing chapter recaps, reflections, ideas, and overall good vibes. Expect Part 2 next week!
Now, let's continue to the Chapter 1 Recap of The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. Dubbed Part 1 of the How To Be A Grown Up Series.
Behaving like an adult requires INTENTIONAL personal development. INTENTIONAL is in all caps because, unfortunately, personal development is optional... and most opt out for various reasons.
Based on The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, there are 8 reasons why adults opt out of personal development. John C. Maxwell refers to these as Growth Gap Traps:
The Assumption Gap - "I Assume That I Will Automatically Grow"
The Knowledge Gap - "I Don't Know How To Grow"
The Timing Gap - "It's Not The Right Time To Begin"
The Mistake Gap - "I'm Afraid Of Making A Mistake
The Perfection Gap - "I Have To Find The Best Way Before I Start"
The Inspiration Gap - "I Don't Feel Like Doing It"
The Comparison Gap - "Others Are Better Than I Am"
The Expectation Gap - "I Thought It Would Be Better Than This
We dig deeper into each Growth Gap on the Trying This Growth Thing Podcast. Listen Now or Save For Later.
For now, let's discuss how to overcome these growth gaps.
The Law of Intentionality: Making The Transition To INTENTIONAL Growth
- Ask The Big Question Now
- Do It Now
- Face The Fear Factor
- Change From Accidental To Intentional Growth
~Ask The Big Question Now
The first year I engaged in intentional personal growth, I discovered that it was going to be a lifetime process...the question in my mind changed from "How long will this take?" to "How far can I go?" -The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
John C. Maxwell suggests asking these questions to give yourself a sense of direction:
- Where do you want to go in life?
- What direction do you want to go?
- What's the furthest you can imagine going?
I remember being in the nail salon and we began discussing riches. I said, "I want to build a million dollar company that builds millionaires." Everyone got quiet and looked at me as if I were speaking an unknown language. Then, one by one each person began to say things like, "I don't need a lot of money." or "I know I will never be rich, I'm ok where I am." or "I can't see that for myself." or "Rich people are evil."
It was shocking, yet it made so much sense. I began to really understand that WE determine where we go in life. WE set the tone for the trajectory of our lives by first imagining. They couldn't even IMAGINE themselves living the life they truly wanted. Imagination is free and they he couldn't even imagine. It was very sad to witness.
On the other hand, I read interviews all the time of mature, disciplined, successful adults who said things like, "I use to imagine where I am now." or "I knew I would be here before I got here." or "I started with nothing, but I just knew deep down that things would work out for me." or "I didn't know how I would accomplish my goals, I just knew I would accomplish them."
So start by just imagining. Imagine where you really want to be in life. WHO do you really want to be? Do this as much as possible. Remember, your imagination is free. You can create ANYTHING you want in your imagination. The world we live in doesn't exist in your imagination. It's your world. You make the rules. You write the story. Where's the furthest you can imagine going in life?
~Do It Now
Before you get out of bed every morning, say "do it now" fifty times. At the end of the day before you go to sleep, say "do it now" fifty times. -The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
John C. Maxwell suggests, "The greatest danger you face in this moment is the idea that you will make intentional growth a priority later."
I'm doing it now by writing this article, reading The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, and launching my podcast about growth based on personal development books. I've come up with many reasons why now isn't the best time. But when I opened the book, the first chapter was dedicated to understanding that the best time is NOW.
You've started too, by simply reading this post. Congratulations! :)
Keep it going by grabbing the book or listening to the podcast. Something good inside seems to spark when we indulge our minds in positivity.
~Face The Fear Factor
"I want to encourage you to feed your faith and starve your fear." -The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
John C. Maxwell suggests there are 5 factors that keep people from being successful:
- Fear of Failure (I truly believe you only fail when you give up or never try at all)
- Fear of Trading Security for the Unknown (This one was mine)
- Fear of Being Overextended Financially (Also mine)
- Fear of What Others Will Say or Think (If they're judging, they're jealous. Ignore them and keep it moving!)
- Fear that Success Will Alienate Peers (True growth requires isolation. Get use to it.)
Which fear factor do you struggle with? Mine were the financial fears. I had a cushy corporate job and life was comfortable. I had forgotten how far I wanted to go in life because my job provided just enough to finally be out of survival mode. I didn't want to trade that "security" for the unknown. Comfort can be dangerous.
Then, suddenly, my entire department was laid off. I was forced to face the unknown. I was forced to exercise faith on the daily basis. I was forced to face my fears.
Looking back, being laid off was a blessing in disguise. There's this quote I carry with me always. It goes, "What if I fail? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?"
I say face your fears because you just may fly...in fact, I know you will. 😌
~Change From Accidental To Intentional Growth
If you want to reach your potential and become the person you were created to be, you must do much more than just experience life and hope that you learn what you need along the way. You must go out of your way to seize the growth opportunities as if your future depends on it. Why? Because it does. Growth doesn't just happen...you have to go after it! -The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
The 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth offers a chart to help you determine if your are growing on accident or intentionally. Take a look:
The circled traits are my current targets. I'm developing my character to be more disciplined, calm, and centered...similar to the Legend Mrs. Angela Bassett:
And a lot less impulsive like this:
Okay maybe not that impulsive, but you get the idea. 😂 What traits do you want to work on?
The Wrap Up
We're at the finish line for part 1 of the 15 part series: How To Be A Grown Up. Today we learned the Law of Intentionality: How to be intentional and how to overcome the fears that hold us back from being intentional. Being a grown up only requires reaching age 18. Behaving like a grown up requires INTENTIONAL GROWTH. Be intentional my friends.
I'm so proud of YOU for reading until the very end and for myself for being intentional and doing this article! Taking a moment to virtually clap for both of us! 👏👏 I hope this inspires you to just do whatever it is you've been putting off. It's ok if it isn't perfect...perfection comes with CONSISTENCY. So just start and keep going from there.
Listen and Subscribe to the podcast for a deeper dive PLUS stay tuned for next week's topic:
You Must Know Yourself To Grow Yourself on How To Be A Grown Up Part 2.
Peace and love good people! And remember to be kind to others. We never know what our peers are dealing with.
Enjoy your week! Cheers!
Share your thoughts!
- Should 18 be considered an adult?
- Should there be a legal "preliminary adult phase" for 18-24 olds?
- What were you doing at age 18-24?
- Is personal development something that should be introduced in grade school?
- What is your idea of personal development?
- What are your fears and how are you working to overcome them?
- What traits do you want to work on?
Comment Below or Email tryingthisgrowththing@gmail.com to have your thoughts shared on the podcast!
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